Beautiful Change
Whew! That was an intense weekend! Six hours of shopping on Friday, several hours of baking on Saturday, a birthday party, enough sugar to fill an entire shipping container, and a mean trick from a friend, all culminated into an emotional breakdown Sunday night that just about made my head explode. I hadn’t had a chance to just sit down and think about turning 25.
Well now I have a bit of time to reflect. Although I’m not so sure about 25 being a “milestone,” I certainly hope it is a turning point for me. I like the idea of turning points. But when I consider all the things that I want to have change in my life and in me, I am overwhelmed to the point of paralysis. And in the past, when I thought my life was about to change, it just stayed the same. I’ve asked God countless times to help me change and sometimes it seems as though things are happening but then they never do. I guess there are no such things as turning points, at least not for me. Instead, I need to consider every day a turning point, and daily redirect my focus to Christ and away from myself and my problems. Like filling in the blanks until they make a solid line - if they ever make a solid line.
I know what I need to do, but I’m afraid to do it. When I really think about it though, I’m even more afraid of doing nothing. I don’t want to turn 26 and find my life is exactly the same as when I turned 25.
(the title is from an Innocence Mission song I like - I know, it's a bit syrupy for me)
Well now I have a bit of time to reflect. Although I’m not so sure about 25 being a “milestone,” I certainly hope it is a turning point for me. I like the idea of turning points. But when I consider all the things that I want to have change in my life and in me, I am overwhelmed to the point of paralysis. And in the past, when I thought my life was about to change, it just stayed the same. I’ve asked God countless times to help me change and sometimes it seems as though things are happening but then they never do. I guess there are no such things as turning points, at least not for me. Instead, I need to consider every day a turning point, and daily redirect my focus to Christ and away from myself and my problems. Like filling in the blanks until they make a solid line - if they ever make a solid line.
I know what I need to do, but I’m afraid to do it. When I really think about it though, I’m even more afraid of doing nothing. I don’t want to turn 26 and find my life is exactly the same as when I turned 25.
(the title is from an Innocence Mission song I like - I know, it's a bit syrupy for me)
posted by Marla at 1:13 p.m.
7 Comments:
whatever! as if you can look inside my heart and see! nobody really knows except god.
Here is the link to the sufjan is emergent thing.You Might Be Emergent It is funny.
Just like the banter between the two of you. But I thing the problem is you are a Melancholy you need more phlem in you life.
Matt, thanks so much! I was going to ask you for the link. I'm not really up on the emergent church debate, but I read an interview with brian mclaren a while back and nothing he said seemed all that "out there." I really don't understand why Christians love to fight amongst themselves - it gets pretty nasty too! Debating is one thing, but when it turns into personal attacks it's just ugly and wrong. Why can't people just be themselves without being labeled? And since when was "art" the domain of the emergent church? Sheesh! Also, Sufjan is brilliant. Everyone should listen to him.
I meant to say that everyone should listen to Sufjan's music.
I see. Thought you said he was the final authority on all things.
Your sound just like my friend Jon. He hates 'christian on christian' debates. I am starting to agree. Mclaren is a gifted writer. So engaging. I just wish he actually answered his questions. But this is your blog not mine. Have a dandy day all.
hah! i'm famous! who knew?
I have yet to figure out what I think about turning 25. It's a fairly recent occurence, and I find myself saying "now that I'm 25" more than I have said about any other age. All of a sudden all these characteristics and changes are linked to a number. I too fear becoming stagnant and never becoming the person I always wanted to be.
"Live your questions now, and perhaps even without knowing it, you will live along some distant day into your answers." Rainer Maria Rilke
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