Career Caper

When I was little, my parents told me that I could do anything I wanted. When you’re young, and growing up is so far away, this is exhilarating. I used to daydream about myself in every career imaginable, and my aspirations were usually acted out by my Barbie dolls (she could be a secret agent, an architect, and a fairy princess all in one day!). If I could do anything, then I could do everything! Once I got a little bit older, though, this idea became a bit overwhelming. I had so many interests, how was I going to settle on one occupation?

When I was a teenager, I recognised these tendencies in myself. So I decided to lock into a career path, to prevent myself from changing my mind. All through high school I was focused on one single career goal: to be a doctor. I never thought of doing anything else. At the end of my first term as a science undergrad, I made the decision to switch to Arts and give up on becoming a doctor. I could never really figure out how I was going to breeze through medical school, spend a year abroad, get married, and have three kids by the time I was 26 anyway. Plus I had just flunked my Chemistry final spectacularly. I remember walking around campus in a daze as a world of opportunity literally opened up before me. What could I do now? It was terribly exciting.

The frustrating thing is that I have barely moved from that spot in the last seven years. I finished an English BA, I’ve traveled, I’ve made some money - but no real progress towards a vocation. I have considered that maybe I don’t really want a career; that maybe all I really want to do is work until I get married and have babies. But I know that kids grow up, and I really have no desire to be one of those moms with grown-up kids who fills her weekdays with coffee dates and shopping at Winners. Plus I want to be able to DO something - to make a contribution in some field. I just haven’t stopped daydreaming about every career imaginable. I’m afraid that if I choose something, I’ll regret it and wish I had chosen something else.

It’s funny how paralysing it is to have someone tell you that you can do anything. Sometimes I think that having more options has actually restricted me. I almost wish that someone would block off all my opportunities so that I would be forced into some vocation, or at least rebel. I think that’s one of the things I like about Victorian novels: the heroines have only two “career” options, so anything above or beyond them is an achievement. So maybe I’m just lazy. And I can’t commit.